Dancing Like Christmas

Have you ever been passing something and when you first looked at it assumed it was one thing, but when you looked more closely, realized it was something entirely different? That happened to me yesterday morning. I was getting up in a hurry and had not put my glasses on yet. I have an electronic clock/picture frame on my dresser. I glanced at the time and the picture on the screen caught my eye. It looked like a Christmas picture, but I didn't really recognize it immediately. I moved closer to the clock and realized it wasn't a Christmas picture at all. It was a picture of my oldest son, Nat, and his new bride, Erin, dancing at their wedding. I immediately smiled and went all gushy inside like mothers are wont to do. Anyway, a poem immediately came to mind and I jotted it down before I lost it. Here is the picture and below it is the poem it inspired.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Nathanael Cooley
April 3, 2010

 

 

Dancing Like Christmas

Dancing like Christmas

 with the lights all aglow

 she in her beauty

 he in his manhood,

 their love shining

 brightly,

 for all to see

 and know.

 

 They danced at their wedding,

  while people reverently cheered,

  for a happy romance

  that would last

  many long years.

 

As they swirled and

 they clung

 to one another

 in love,

 

God smiled at

 the joy from

 high up above.

 

 D. Elaine Wood-Lane 11/3/12



 

 

Destin Beach -- A Poem

Shoooosh.........
  whisper waves
of slow time
break upon
my aching soul.

Sand----
white velvet---
while orange sun
   slowly....golds.

Warm turquoise
  wets my feet---
a forever moment
---spellbound---

My soul mellows
  under caressing colors
    serenity
        and God.

D. Elaine Wood-Lane
12/7/97

Vacations and Back

Last week we were on vacation in beautiful Steamboat Springs, Colorado with Kathy and Bill James. Kathy is Alan's sweet sister and Bill is her wonderful husband. It was one of those great, restful times when time seemed to stand still and go fast all at once. We took lovely drives in the high country, explored downtown Steamboat Springs, ate way too much, and were pet-free for the week, mostly. Buddy stayed at a Pet Ranch 8 miles from town and had a blast from the sound of it all.

We got to see the best of fall:

Then we got to see winter too:

Overall, it was one of the best vacations I've ever had. We deeply appreciate the generosity and graciousness of Kathy and Bill, without whom we never would have experienced such a great week!

Of course, sick people that we are, we came home and happily settled back into our usual weekend rhythm. We did laundry, cleaned house and welcomed some good friends into our muddled household. (Bless their hearts! I hope they know what they're getting into with us!)

This morning our car wouldn't start and so we had to back it onto the street so we could jumpstart it. Alan was to push it off and I was to steer. Well! I forgot what driving a power steering car without power steering was like. I also never had realized how steep our driveway is! Once that car was moving, it was gone, with me holding on for dear life and praying I didn't hit one of the big trees at the end of our drive! Alan's face was priceless as I ran right into the bricks lining our driveway. As he said, "It was like watching a train wreck and not being able to do anything about it!" Thank goodness we did have the bricks along the drive or...I would have hit that tree!  Finally we got the car moved, jumpstarted, and we made it to the late service at church.

Tomorrow we return back to work and, you know what?  I'm actually excited to be returning! Y'all know what a sick puppy I really am now, huh? Vacations are always nice, but there is something to be said for a regular routine also. I guess we have the best of both worlds for sure. God is good...all the time!  Have a great week everybody! 

Vacation Day 2--Tangled

Tangled Up

 

I awoke early this morning. I spent my time with God in my daily bible reading and in prayer. I was gathering up my various yarns to pack up and take with me on our upcoming journey and realized my beautiful, very fine yarn needed to be rolled into a ball from the loose skein. This is handspun and hand-dyed yarn and so fine it is like a gossamer web. All started out well as I wound the yarn into a ball, but then, somehow, it developed a lovely tangle and became ever more difficult to detangle.

 

As I worked on untangling the yarn without breaking it, I realized that to get it out of its tangle, I would need to do it slowly. I needed to loosen up the big knot and gently follow the yarn through the tangle. Slowly and gently was the way I needed to proceed.

 

Our lives are like this beautiful, colorful, fine yarn. We get in tangles and it looks like there is no way to clear things up without breaking the yarn. If we try to go too quickly through our tangled lives or we just pull and pull it the way we want it to go, our tangled life will never get unstuck. We'll be so tightly wrapped up in ourselves that we will hit a point where we just can't go anywhere or do anything.

 

Thankfully, we have a master craftsman helping us with our lives. If we allow Him to help us and let Him do His work on us slowly and gently, our tangled lives can be smoothed out, put into order, and then knit into something beautiful. It is so tempting to want to grab our lives back and try to go faster or the way we think we should go. We must let go and let God do the untangling. God has promised us, if we turn our lives over to Him, that he will take us and make something beautiful and something good.

Vacation--Day 1

Yep, we're taking a vacation over the next week and today was our first official vacation day. We're actually going further north in Colorado to spend a week with Alan's sister and brother-in-law, Kathy and Bill. We are beside ourselves with excitement and can hardly wait! Of course, we had to take a day off prior to leaving town to prepare for Kathy and Bill's impending arrival and for the trip itself. I have a list as long as my arm of things to do and things to pack pre-departure. (I don't have OCD, I don't have OCD, I don't have OCD!)

Of course, Alan has foiled most of my list today in one way or another, starting with the big breakfast. He knows a big breakfast, especially pancakes, knock me for a loop for at least two hours. Sneaky, isn't he? He keeps saying, "Oh, don't worry honey, we'll do that tomorrow before Kathy and Bill get here." What he's saying in the subtext is, "Don't you worry your pretty little head about it, sugar! Why don't you rest a while?"  Yep, Alan is sneaky that way. So, I've managed to have a manicure, clean the kitchen, run the dishwasher and...that's about it! Does he not understand the purpose behind my list? It's meant to make me feel frantic when I don't mark things off of it and...I'm frantic! Hmmm....sounds like a twisted plot to me! He likes seeing me get all worked up about things sometimes, just to watch the fireworks. Men!

In all seriousness, however, we're looking forward to getting away for a while into some of God's most beautiful country with two wonderful, lovely people who also happen to be family! I'm, of course, tempted to take another entire piece of luggage just for yarn, patterns, and needles so I'll have plenty to knit or crochet. I won't do it though. Everytime I take a lot of projects on a trip, I end up doing nothing. And if I take no projects, I end up feeling like someone cut off my air supply. I literally start jonesing for my knitting needles and yarn! It's not a pretty sight. In a compromise with myself, I'll take two four projects and be happy. Nothing too big. Just the yellow blankie that needs a little crochet edging on it...and the yellow scarf I'm halfway through...and the multicolor cowl I've just started and maybe some of the pretty rose yarn with a pattern for a shrug. (Seriously, who could resist taking this yarn when it so obviously wants to go?)

Of course, then there are my books and recent magazines and my writing paraphanelia. Oh, and I guess I should take some clothes... Maybe the extra suitcase isn't such a bad idea after all. Just the hardsided Samsonite and my brocade one. Plus a knitting bag and backpack....that will be it. Really. Honest.

Well, guess I better get off the computer and see if I can sneak in mopping the kitchen floor and taking out the trash before Alan catches on.  Love you all and will talk to you later!

 

P.S. Buddy gets to stay at a doggie dude ranch. Cool, huh?

Let God Be

Don't you know that God knows your struggle
  and weeps at the pain he reads in your soul?

Don't you know that God, your Father,
  feels the lump in your throat, the racing of your
  heart and the weakness in your limbs
  as you face yourself and the demons
  of life in this world?

Don't you know that He loves you more
  than we could ever love anyone?

God made you,
God knows you from the inside out.
God loves you!!

He knows every single moment of your life
  and every little wrinkle on your face.
God hears the struggle in your soul,
  the panic of your breath,
  the song in your heart,
  the good words on your tongue,
  and the lies in the back of your mind that you
  think no one knows except you.

God wants to hold you close
  and dry your tears.
He wants to hear your breath
  be soft and peaceful like a little child's.
He cherishes the good words on your tongue
  like honey from the honeycomb.
He wants to wipe out the bitter lies
  in the back of your mind--
  both yours and Satan's.

God has been, is, and always will be
  your very best friend, your Father
  and the keeper of your soul.

All you have to do is let His spirit
  heal your heart, comfort your mind
  and bring peace to your soul.

All you have to do is be still and
  let God be...God.

D. Elaine Wood-Lane
4/29/99

Silver Air

When the moonlight's on the water
at the park across the street,
My soul slips out to wander
and hopes my God to meet.

My heart beats fast with wonder
and my breath stops as it starts,
I wonder if I'll ever live
to understand our hearts.

The breeze blows softly on my cheeks
as ducks quack quietly in my ears.
I slowly walk in silver air
and pray to God, "please remove my fears."

The air is sweet with springtime scents
replacing all the old,
I smell green and pink and blue and yellow;
and feel the colors in my soul.

God made all this beauty
so easily, so right.
He gives me all the peace my soul can hold
in the silver air tonight.

And so my fears are taken and
I know inside my heart--
that God has heard my prayer,
in the silver air tonight.

D. Elaine Wood-Lane
4/13/99

One of those days...

Ever have one of those days when you wake up feeling grumpy and as the day progresses, you find yourself getting grumpier and meaner by the minute? Nothing goes right. I had one of those days today. I spilled my first cup of coffee on my hand, accidentally kicked my dear puppy, got shampoo in both eyes in the shower, and could find nothing decent to wear. That's just in the first couple of hours too! So, I prayed hastily to God, read my bible readings for the day, and dashed out the door.

When I arrived at work, things did not improve. Everyone seemed tense, frustrated, and everything is in a jumble because we're remodeling, trying to put together cubicles (of which all the parts did not arrive). Usually I try to be a calming, positive influence, but today, inside myself, I was not calm and didn't even care, not one little bit! The words humble and humility kept popping up in my head, but my heart wasn't listening. I was almost relishing the mean spirit rattling around inside, which is not me. There is nothing I despise more than a mean spirit, especially if it is inside myself.

I arrived at home this afternoon and sat on the back porch a while. At first I was holding on to my bad mood with all my might. I was not going to get happy, thank you very much! I was going to enjoy my bad mood and to heck with it! Of course, God had other plans. (He always does.)

The birds were singing. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Buddy kept licking my hand in consolation. Even Missy the cat was hanging around, eyeing me suspiciously. She's usually the creature in a perpetual state of moodiness so I think she didn't want to relinquish her reign over to me. I felt my spirit relax, despite myself. As my breathing deepened, I found myself closing my eyes and praying, my spirit humbled. Thoughts came of friends and family going through tough times. I began to pray for them, sincerely, with a whole heart, knowing God was listening. My spirit calmed down more. I started thanking God for all my blessings and seeing my whole messy day through His eyes. It was funny! I mean, seriously, a 50 year old woman carrying on like a toddler who badly needed a nap?  I did practically everything but get on the floor and throw a tantrum today. How could that not be funny? I started chuckling to myself. Then I started laughing outright! Good grief! Who cares about coffee and shampoo and what I wear to work? Who even cares if all the parts to our new cubicles didn't arrive or if a few customers were grumpy?  These things, too, shall pass. They always do. Compared to some things I've lived through, and others I know are living through now, the day I was having is a walk in the park. I live a wonderful life. I am truly a blessed woman. I thank God for reminding me of that...and even for laughing at me. 

James 4:10
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Love and Prayers

I said a prayer for you today
and locked it in my heart.
Because I know God loves you
and will peace to you impart.

Worry not your weary soul
or fear the things to come,
For God is always with you
and will be your soul's sweet balm.

Just ask Him to be with you,
and He will be right there.
Ask Him for His will,
in your humble-hearted prayer.

He wants to be your solace,
He wants to be your friend.
Just be brave and ask Him
and He gladly will come in.

I said a prayer for you today
and locked it in my heart.
I prayed to God Who loves you
and will peace to you impart.

D. Elaine Wood-Lane
5/5/99

Until the Morning's Dew

When my eyelids fall so heavy
And my thoughts are all of You,
I know I'll soon be sleeping
until the morning's dew.

The moonlight falls so quietly
upon my windowpane
and the stars begin to twinkle
as the angels say Your name.

I try so hard to stay awake
So I can really pray,
but You calm my restless spirit so
I have no words to say.

Just know that I do love You
and pray within my dreams,
that I'll see You in the morning
when the morning dewdrops gleam.

D. Elaine Wood-Lane
4/27/99

Puppy Dogs and Pet Ranches

Today I did something I never thought in a million years that I would ever do. I made reservations for Buddy, our 12 pound Chihuahua, at the RK Pet Ranch, for the week of our vacation. Buddy will be set up in style with two rooms of his own, daily walks, play dates, and even baths, pedicures, and grooming if we so desire. If you had told me 7 years ago I would be one of those people who was completely attached to a dog and worried about his health and emotional well-being as if he were a small child, I would have laughed, snorted, and rolled in the floor. (No disrespect to dog owners intended.)

I was a sworn cat person, you see. I was not able to have any pets as a child because I had severe allergies and asthma. When I finally was able to have a pet, I wanted a kitten. Enter my first pet, ever, a beautiful Russian Blue kitten whom I named "Ziggy," given to me by a dear friend home on leave from the Marines. Ziggy got his name from the cards Buck and I exchanged in the mail. Ziggy the kitten was perfect. He was an adorable little bundle of gray fur and green eyes. I loved that cat and, although I had to leave him at my parents when I married 5 months later, Ziggy was a valued family member for 15 years.

Next came Kitty Tiffy and then Esmerelda, a runt kitten that Craig and I adopted when she was only a few days old and weighed less than a pound. Then there was Bobby, Kitty, Chico, Princess Jasmine, Sonic, Colette, and now Missy. All cats over the years. No dogs. Cats are so easy. They love you when they're in the mood, they're low maintenance, and yet they're companionable and fun to have around. When you leave town for a week, you put out extra litter boxes, huge amounts of cat food and water and you're done. You know when you return, you will encounter the revenge only a cat can exact, but even that is part of their charm. (I don't know how they manage to tear up complete rolls of paper towels, toilet paper, or paper plates that were locked in various cabinets. They're quite creative!) However, they make up for their scary moments by being loyal and sweet companions when you're sick, depressed or lonely. They're funny, smart, and entertaining too.

I never was a dog person. Never. Let me put it this way. When I was a tiny first grader, I was chased and pinned to a house by a huge German Shepherd who was not in a sweet mood! I seriously thought he was going to eat my head in one bite and was so terrified I couldn't move. Fortunately a teacher from my elementary school saw the attack and saved me before I was too badly injured. For years after, any dog terrified me. Small yippy dogs, big hairy dogs, barking dogs, snappy dogs, sweet dogs, any dog, scared the bejeebers out of me. Completely terrified I was.

Over the years, Daddy taught me first how not to be afraid of dogs, how to gentle them, and eventually how to talk to any dog I met. I lost my fear, but still wasn't too keen on dogs. We had a few over the years for the boys. There was Charlie, the American Eskimo we bought for Nat on his 4th birthday. Charlie was beautiful, but dumb as a rock. Or maybe we were dumb as rocks. We never could teach or train that dog to do anything. There was sweet Maggie, who was Joshua's birthday present and was the sweetest dog I'd ever met. Unfortunately, she got sick one morning and was gone by the time we returned home from work. She had parvo. Well, actually, I guess that's all the dogs we had.

For some reason during the fall of 2005, while I was making trips back and forth from Texas to Colorado and back, I suddenly had this crazy idea of getting a dog to accompany me. Someone to be a companion and perhaps even provide some protection. I prayed about it, but after a couple of weeks, decided that was a silly idea and let it go. I knew nothing about what kind of dog I would want or would be a good companion. I knew nothing really about training a dog. Dogs required a lot more attention and care. I was working full time, had a father with Alzheimer's in a nursing home, two sons at home, and a husband who had moved to Colorado in preparation for the day when I could move there too.

Anyhow, I gave up on the idea. I guess God had not, however. I was traveling to Colorado the day after Christmas. It was cold, snowy, and basically miserable weather. I stopped in the Love's truck stop in Texline for a little break and to buy something to eat and drink. As I stepped out of the truck stop, a little black and tan puppy ran right up to me, yipped once, put one leg on my leg and then sat down with adoring eyes trained on my face. An elderly couple said, "Oh, there's his owner! We wondered who he belonged to!" as they hurried into their car and sped away. (I think it was a set up! Ha!) The little puppy looking at me so sweetly was obviously hungry, very dirty, shivering cold and...a charmer of the first order. There was absolutely no way I could leave that little guy in a big old dirty truck stop. I decided to take him with me and drop him off at the Humane Society along the way. He jumped into the car, I gave him my burrito, which he promptly ate, he curled up on my lap to sleep and off we drove. We were firm friends by the time we arrived in Clayton, a mere 10 miles from Texline. I stopped and bought a collar and leash, some real dog food, and a food/water bowl.

By the time I reached Raton, NM, his name was Buddy and I was trying to figure out how I could keep the little toot. I was completely in love with this little 9 pound DOG! The rest, as they say, is history. We kept Buddy and he became part of the family. Fortunately he was fairly easy to train. He did prove to be an excellent companion and on the trips I still had between Colorado and Texas, he was perfect. When either Alan or I are sick, tired, in pain, depressed, or just in need of some unconditional love...Buddy is right there for us and with us. He plays with Alan every morning and evening. He sleeps with me nightly. He protects me from anyone he sees as threats whether they be "bad guys" or other nefarious critters such as squirrels, neighbor cats, and mailmen.

So, yes, when we were considering what to do with Buddy while we have a vacation week in Steamboat Springs, I looked up different kennels, found one I liked the look of, called and talked to the woman to get a feel for the place, and booked a room for a week. Most of all I made sure I'd be able to stop in periodically through the week to see and play with Buddy. He gets separation anxiety, you know. Not me, him. Truly! Really! It's Buddy who gets the separation anxiety! Well, ok, maybe I get a little separation anxiety too. Yeah, I've become a dog person who pampers, spoils, and loves her dog to distraction. How in the world did this happen?!  Oh yeah, it's this guy's fault:

Thanksgiving Soup

1/2 pound Jimmy Dean Sage sausage
1 cup water
3/4 cup milk
1 14.5 oz can diced tomatoes with green pepper and onion
1 8 oz can tomato sauce
1 14.75 oz can cream style corn
1 8.25 oz can sliced carrots, drained
1 8 oz can cut green beans, drained
1 8.5 oz can sweet peas, drained
1/4 large white onion, chopped
2 t ground sage
2 t salt

Roll sausage into miniature balls and cook in bottom of stew pot at mid-high heat. When nearly cooked through, cut into fourths. Add 1 cup water and then diced tomatoes, tomato sauce, corn, carrots, beans, and peas. Add chopped onion, sage, and salt. Stir well. Add 3/4 cup milk. Cook at medium heat for 15 minutes to cook down. Cover with lid and turn heat down to high simmer. Cook an additional 30 minutes or until onions are translucent. Serve hot.

I decided to call it Thanksgiving Soup because the simmering aroma is similar to the cooking aromas of Thanksgiving day. 

Knit. Pray. Love.

It has been quite the summer this year for all of us. There have been droughts, fires, flooding, hailstorms, tornados and hurricanes. That's just the natural phenomenons and doesn't even touch the many other things going on in our world. There also have been shootings, terrorism, a poor economy and enough political posturing to make me gag. (I'm not big on politics. Just give me your true qualifications for the job, your platform, and let me vote in privacy and peace.) Then there have been the good things like vacations, holidays, visits to and from my kids. I've gone to the zoo, kissed an orangatun, driven through beautiful Guanella Pass here in Colorado, and watched my husband transform our house into something beautiful and light with his hard work and clever ideas.

Throughout the summer I've dealt with more physical pain and frustration. Fibromyalgia is a trying affliction that weakens my body, my mind and even, at times, my spirit. I can't do all the things I used to do easily. Vacuuming the house and other household chores requires a full day of recovery. (Hence my schedule of usually doing those things on Saturday morning.) I do work I truly enjoy at Bold Technologies for 6 hours a day and then come home, collapse in my chair, and often proceed to fall asleep. For a woman who was accustomed to being the go-to girl who could be continually on the go for 14 hours a day, well, my current physical limitations are frustrating and depressing. I liked being the woman who could jump in and help others any time, any where, any way. I liked being busy, feeling strong, and feeling useful.

At the beginning of spring I began praying and asking God outright what He would have me do to serve Him now. I felt like I was failing at doing anything for Him and that I truly didn't have anything left to offer Him. I kept thinking of all the things I couldn't do any longer. I always had visions in my head of going to the mission field or working at a homeless shelter or becoming a hospital chaplin. I had dreamed big and now felt I was just a useless, dried up old lady who couldn't do anything much for God. I had quite the pity party going on, I can tell you. It wasn't pretty! Not pretty at all! (Pity parties never are.)

One morning during my prayers I received a simple three word answer from God: "Knit, pray, love." Humph! "Well! Isn't that just peachy?" It sounded too close to the book and movie title, "Eat Pray Love" for me to really accept it as a directive from God. Obviously those words weren't from God, but were from my own muddled mind. Besides all that, these were things I already did. I mean, have you seen my yarn stash lately? This is only about a fourth of the yarn I have hidden all over the house.

 

 I've always prayed and I've always tried to love others actively. God persisted and insisted, however. Every day I receive the same instructions, "Knit, pray, love." When God wants to get a point across, there is no hiding from Him! I finally decided to do what He said to do. I decided to follow my instincts and just knit whatever struck my fancy to knit. I decided to open myself up to praying more for others and situations as they arose. I decided to concentrate on loving others, encouraging them, hugging them and praying for them. I decided to quit focusing on myself and to focus instead on others. I had no idea where all this would go, but if God said, "Knit, pray, love," I was going to try to do His will.

 

I started knitting more and even bought more yarn. Good grief what was I thinking?! Like I needed more yarn? I already had plenty of yarn. Every morning I continued to read my bible and started going outside in my back yard for focused prayer. I made a concentrated effort to be more loving. If I found myself getting aggravated with people, I would make myself stop and think of the situation from their side and then love them from my heart instead of being so selfish and self-centered. I noticed that on the days I started the day with knitting and prayer, I didn't notice my pain as much. Also, if I'm hugging and loving someone else, I forget my pain and feel infused with a loving warmth from the inside out.

 

An interesting thing started happening. As I took up my three word directive from God, I found more things to knit, but didn't know where they were going to end up. Opportunities to pray for people and situations started coming at me so fast, I had to start taking notes so I could pray with more focus and not forget anyone. I also started noticing that there are a lot of people who need a moment of love and encouragement. I've ended up hugging more people this summer than you'd ever believe. I've hugged the stuffing out of coworkers, Alan, my kids, and friends. Several times it has been complete strangers when I'm out and about. I remember especiallly an elderly lady at Walmart who couldn't reach the sodas on the shelf and who was almost beside herself with grief over something. I'm short too, but was able to get her the sodas she needed. Then I found myself spontaneously hugging her and she started talking and crying. We stood there for 10 minutes probably, hugging and talking.

 

All the time I was knitting, praying, and loving, I kept thinking, "Where is my knitting to go? Where do You want me to serve in this?" I continued to picture giving hats and scarves to the homeless, but had no idea where to find the avenue for this. The other day, God gave me the answer. I get an e-newsletter every day from Lion Brand Yarns. Recenly the newsletter focus was on charities. You typed in your zip code and the site listed charities nearby (within 15 miles) looking for donated knitted or crocheted items. I typed in 80909. I had done this before, last year, and nothing came up. This time, a list popped up with about 10 places! As I scanned the list, I saw that the Salvation Army not only requested knitted/crocheted scarves, hats, shawls, and small lap afghans, but was pleading for them. And guess where the Salvation Army is? About a mile south of us on the same street we live! One mile away on Yuma Street. Hallelujah!  Makes me smile all over to think about it. One mile away...

 

Guess what I'll be doing in the weeks and months ahead?  I'll being knitting, praying and loving. When God asks you to do something and you think it is a small thing and not what we had in mind...do it anyway. God has a plan. We won't know all the details. All we can do is step out in faith and do as He asks. He knows all the details and that is all that matters.  He's a pretty sharp guy.  :-)

 

 

  

 

 

Alan's Pretty Basement

A while ago, I promised pictures of the pretty cottage look Alan created in our basement. At long last, here they are!

This WAS, when we bought the house, a dark, dirty, scary place. There was an old, plywood bar, cigarette butts everywhere, low to little lighting, and one part that looked like hell with blood red/gold mixed walls. Now it is light, bright and summery! I love it!

Stresses, Joys and Mr. Brown

My mind rambled around quite a bit while I was journaling this morning. This is what I wrote:

Over the last month, much has happened. Since the fire, day to day life has returned to a normal rhythm of stresses, struggles, joys, and peace. What I find interesting is that this morning, in this moment, I can't recall the stresses and struggles. All I can recall are the moments of joy and peace found when Josh and Rebekka came to visit, funny things occurred, and when I'm praying in the morning. Specifics of the stresses have been blurred and forgotten by the joys and God's peace.

I've found this to be a great solace to me all my life. I've walked through the fires of trouble, endured trials, and sometimes the only peace I found were moments with Jesus. I don't hold the details of the bad times close or even recall them very often unless someone brings them up to me. What I do hold close and recall are those moments of peace with Jesus. Every time I cried out to Him, when my heart was breaking and all seemed hopeless, He was there. He always came just when I needed Him most. He didn't immediately remove the source of my pain or stress. He did provide clarity, insight, peace and His love. Over and over again I heard Him say, "It's going to be ok. I've got you in my arms and I love you. This time and pain will pass. I love you. I love you. With Me, you will make it through." Of course He was right. The days of intense trials and pain passed. New struggles and pains took their place along the way and will always come along. I don't worry about those any more because I know whatever comes along, I am never alone.

Just as periods of stress and pain pass through my days, so do periods and moments of wonder, joy, gratitude and laughter. Frankly, the good days and joy far outweigh the bad. I find myself laughing and smiling often, even on so called bad days. I love it when that happens!

As I write this, one of those moments of laughter comes to mind and makes me laugh all over again so I will share it. It occurred almost exactly seven years ago. Daddy became very sick with pneumonia and it was also very evident that he had Alzheimer's. After a period of very real worry and trouble, we had finally managed to get Daddy into the hospital (he didn't want to go), where his pneumonia was treated. While there we learned he had an area of lung cancer and his dementia was diagnosed. When he became better physically, we had to decide what to do next. We knew we couldn't take care of him at home so we found a good nursing home for him and moved him there around the first of August. It broke my heart to do this. We had promised Mother we would never put Daddy in a nursing home and yet, here we were.

Daddy had been in the home for two days and in the evening of the second day, I received a call from the nursing home that went like this. "Mrs. Lane? This is _____ from ______. I needed to let you know that Mr. Wood attempted to leave tonight. Now, don't worry! He's fine. We caught him before he got too far! He actually was very clever. He grabbed someone's hat from the lobby as though he had been visiting someone and headed for the front door. One of his nurses recognized him and asked him where he was going. 'Oh, my name is...er, Mr. Brown! Yes, Mr. Brown. I was visiting someone and now I'm leaving. See you later! Have a nice day!' Then he laughed and started through the door, but came back with the nurse when she caught him, saying, 'Well, it was worth a try! What part gave me away? I bet it was the name. What is my name anyway? I like the name Mr. Brown, don't you?' He went right to bed and is asleep now. I just wanted to let you know what happened."

When I got off the phone and told all this to the boys and Alan, we were suddenly struck by the humor of this. We laughed until we cried. We laughed at his craftiness. We cried for him and the sad situation he and all of us were in at the time. The time of Daddy's last year and a half included many moments of pain, tears, and laughter. To this day I recall the laughter far more than the tears. What a blessing!

We all have days of stress, pain, joy and laughter. My advice is to let the moments of joy and laughter blur the edges and memories of the stress and pain. Don't hold the pain too long or too close for it will embitter and harden you. Hold close to your heart the laughter, joy and peace. Your load will be lightened and you will find peace. I guarantee it. 

Mini Vacation of the Spirit

I took a mini vacation of the spirit this morning. It wasn't planned. It was a serendipitous gift I think. I took Alan to work at 5:30. On the way to the office we stopped to buy donuts and coffee. Then as we made our way down Nevada Avenue the sun began peeking its way through. With the mountains to the West side of us and open road ahead, it felt just like the beginning of all the vacations through my life before. My dad always insisted we leave on vacation early in the morning so vacations always began with the sun barely rising. Alan is the same.

I dropped Alan off and began my way back. It's a mere 8 miles from office to home, but oh what a glorious 8 miles this morning! The sun seemed to spotlight different views of the mountains and the bluffs just as I was driving by as if to say, "Hey! Look at this! Isn't it a beautiful world and a wonderful life?" The sun first spotlighted the burn area and the unburned areas around it. It may sound strange to say this, but there was a certain beauty and balance in the view. In the midst of the horrible remnants of the fire was a beautiful area of red rocks and trees not touched by the fire. A place of hope in the midst of devastation.

As I turned onto Austin Bluffs going back east, the sun began peeking over the bluffs in a misty, surrealistic way. It was quiet and still. No heavy traffic yet. Coffee by my side and Buddy in my lap. I felt my spirit breathe and refresh itself in the moment.

Although my mini vacation of the spirit only lasted 30 minutes, I know it will last all day. Maybe it will last all week, or longer. We live in a beautiful city. God's beauty surrounds us and is in the midst of us everywhere. We've been through a lot in the last month, but the beauty remains and cannot be banished or broken through devastations or natural disasters. That's rather like God in my life to me. I've been through devastations and heartaches in my life, but God remains. He cannot be banished and never leaves me. I thank Him for the mini vacation of spirit He gave as a blessing to me this morning.

We have a cat...

We have a cat named Missy.
Missy is a beautiful cat.
She knows this.

Missy doesn't demand much...
Food when she wants it.
An immaculate litter box.
24 hour access inside or
outside the house,
IMMEDIATELY
upon demand.

Oh, and total adoration,
but no hugs longer than
5 seconds, please!

Missy is odd.
She likes to sleep all day
inside,
and go
outside,
all night.

This is a real problem.
We have foxes in our
neighborhood.

Sometimes I give up
and leave her outside
at night, but I don't
sleep well.

Last night she was
inside,
I thought...

I arose briefly
at 3 AM
and heard a fox.
Foxes sound eerie.

I wasn't worried.
Missy was inside.

This morning...
no Missy.

I looked inside.
I looked outside.
I saw vultures circling
something in the area
beyond the alley.

I ran to look,
my old red pj's
flapping in the breeze.

No Missy.

I called outside.
I looked on the roof
(Missy's favorite spot.)
I looked all over the block,
still in my old red pj's.

I called inside again.
I started a room by
room inspection.

No Missy.

Then, just as
tears sprinkled
my cheeks...

Missy mews
and stretches.

She's hiding
behind the
box fans in
the basement.

Know that moment
when you want to hug
and kill your kids
at the same time?

I picked Missy up,
hugged her close,
buried my face
in her long white hair...

and bopped
her oh so lovely nose!

She yawned.
Missy is
a beautiful cat.

Beauty In Ashes

Isaiah 61:3

New International Version (NIV)

³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor. 

To me, this verse is so encouraging in light of the last week with the Waldo Canyon Fire here in Colorado Springs. We've had fear, fire, ashes, mourning, and despair. Yet, we also have a crown of beauty in sunrises, the oil of joy that all was not destroyed, a garment of praise that God was so merciful to so many people in so many small ways, and that we will recover and will return as oaks, a planting of the Lord.

I've had such a gamut of emotions over the last week that my heart almost short-circuited in the effort to keep up. I finally just let go and let the emotions come and go as they would, trusting God would lead me safely to the other side. How can a heart contain sorrow and mourning concurrently with relief, joy and praise? I don't know.

In the course of the last week I've had some surprise moments of beauty and joy that seemed like little notes of reassurance that all will be well for us all.  

The first surprise I had was while at a Habitat for Humanity Re-Sale store in Salida. We ran in out of the rain. Alan went straight to building supplies and I was delighted to find a whole section of the store with pretty things such as dishes, decorative items, afghans and shawls. I turned a corner and before me was an entire set of Mother's Desert Rose pattern dishes!   A sugar bowl and creamer sat on top like a gift just for me. I almost burst into tears right on the spot.

Sugar bowl & creamer in their new home.

(I'm a freakishly emotional person. There is no rhyme or reason to it.) The dishes seemed to bring to me my Mother's presence and comfort. It was a day when I needed Mother's comfort and reassurance. No matter how old I am, sometimes I need that. I bought those dishes. I rarely make impulse purchases, but I did then!  I also found a mini candy dish just like a bigger one that sat on Daddy and Mother's TV set and...I bought that too. It made me smile.

Smiles in a tiny dish...

In the mail on Saturday I received more yarn that I had ordered the week before the fire began. I'll show it later. I don't wish to overwhelm you with surprises. Besides that, I think if I'm not careful I'll be seen as one of those crazy yarn ladies with a huge stash and future projects lined up like planes on the runway at DIA. (That assumption about me would be correct, but that's beside the point!)

I don't collect things usually, except for yarn. I don't like clutter. I get claustrophobic. I love beautiful things, especially nature, but ordinarily I admire beauty where I see it and go home. Last week, however, my beautiful surprises brought joy and comfort in days fraught with fears and sorrows. These surprises made me stop and breathe a moment. I'll always cherish them as part of the mashup of memories and emotions of the Waldo Canyon Fire. Beauty in ashes....

Waldo Canyon Fire

On Saturday afternoon, June 23, 2012, our house had just been inspected by our insurance claims adjuster for damage done a huge hail storm a couple of weeks ago. The adjusters were about to leave and we were standing in the front yard when we noticed a sudden plume of smoke over toward the mountains on the west side of town. We were all curious about the plume as it appeared so quickly and seemed to be growing exponentially. One of the adjusters, Cory, was from Pennsylvania and was to go home on July 9th. He commented that if that plume was more than just a small incident, he might have to stay longer.

I'm sure now that he will be here for a good deal longer than July 9th for the localized plume developed into a raging fire that will forever be known in Colorado Springs history as the Waldo Canyon Fire. At first people to the south of the fire in Manitou Springs were evacuated on Saturday as the fire burned south. Sunday those people were allowed to go home. Special firefighters came from all over the United States and Canada to help battle the fire which had quickly grown into a several thousand acre monster.

On Monday the battle against the fire raged and it seemed it might be contained with the help of the special force of firefighters. 5% containment was obtained and, although that isn't a big number, it encouraged everyone.

Tuesday afternoon the temperature reached 101 degrees, an all time record for Colorado Springs, and the winds shifted to the northeast. The fire became a monster that was headed, fast, directly towards homes and neighborhoods in the northwest part of town. Thousands of people were mandatorily evacuated and traffic became a nightmare as people tried to gather the few bits and pieces that meant the most to them and evacuate. The monster kept coming. The photos and video seen on social media and television were an exact replication of what I've always imagined hell to look like with black, yellow smoke, ashes falling, and a horribly eerie red and yellow fire monster bearing down on a suddenly fragile and vulnerable place.

Photo by Dean J Radice via Facebook

My Facebook page lit up with news of friends being evacuated and horror stories of what was left behind. Fear and panic were the predominant emotions expressed and I felt them all within my gut and heart. Alan and I were glued to the continuous live coverage of the fire on KKTV, as well as Facebook, Twitter, and email. We were all the while that our friends and everyone else would be safe. We learned that our office building, Bold Technologies, was in the evacuation zone and in the path of the fire. (The building is fine, but still in the evacuation zone at this time.)

I think when it all become truly real and devastating was when the newscasters reported that the Flying W Ranch, a Colorado Springs institution since the 50's, had burned to the ground. The newscasters were suddenly overcome by grief and exhaustion and openly wept on air. The quick, total destruction of the Flying W was devastating because so many of us here in the Springs had been there, but what I think we were really weeping over was the fact that it stood on the edge of the neighborhoods being evacuated. The monster was growing and there seemed to be no way to stop it. I had the feeling I had as a child in Lubbock on the night of the huge tornado in 1970. Something devastating was coming and there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn't in the direct path. I wasn't in direct danger, but still a feeling of helpless terror washed over me.

Yesterday morning we awoke to skies heavily darkened by smoke and ash that smelt of something innocent--campfires or perhaps cookouts. The air wasn't innocent. It caused my throat, eyes, and lungs to burn and sting. If I stayed outside longer than five minutes, my stomach began hurting and my breathing became shallow. As I stared into the smoky haze, I felt shell shocked, numb, and unable to grasp the horror of the night before. Alan suggested we get out of town to an area where the air was clear. There was nothing we could do by staying at home. We had offered our home to evacuees. We were praying without ceasing. We packed up Buddy and headed southwest. I felt terribly guilty about leaving, but relieved to escape the smoke and helplessness bearing down on me because there was nothing I could do to help anyone.

Between 200-300 homes were destroyed Tuesday night. Thousands are still evacuated and will remain so until they're sure they have all embers out in the neighborhoods gutted by flames. It is unknown if any people have been killed. Pictures abound of the destroyed neighborhoods. They remind me of pictures of London after the German bombings in World War II.

Photo by James Matthews via Facebook

This morning my shocked numbness wore off. I am bowed by grief for all those people who have lost everything. I've imagined the shock, the worry, and the anguish of those who have lost their homes and all the memories built into them. Where do they go from here?

The Waldo Canyon Fire isn't over. It is still an active, living monster intent on devouring whatever lies in its path and is fed by winds and whatever fuel it finds along the way. Firefighters and military are trying hard to block all paths the fire might take. Bulldozers, earth movers, and airplanes dropping water and fire retardants are all tools in the arsenal to block the fire and put it out.

I realize this morning that although I feel helpless and ineffectual, I am not. I can pray. I can reach out to those who might need help. I can lean on my God and know He will help us all through this. All we have to do is ask.

A Lazy Weekend

Saturday night we went to eat with some old college friends at Old Chicago.  Afterwards we took pictures.  Alan was being a twirp and “counting my ribs” which is what he calls tickling me.  At 50 you’d think we’d have outgrown this craziness!  Anyhow, thought I’d share the picture. 

This was about the highlight of the weekend. Between my FM flare, the hot, hot weather and the big fire that began over by Manitou (Waldo Canyon Fire if you want to look it up), it was a rough weekend in some ways.  In others, it was very nice as we spent a lot of time at home.  There is something very nice about staying at home and doing simple things like reading, napping, and puttering around the house. Those are the things I did. Alan, on the other hand, made several trips to Home Depot and worked more on doing woodwork in the basement area that we've moved into for the summer.  It is looking quite nice, actually.  It has tangerine walls and crisp apple walls and he's put woodwork strips throughout. It's like being in a little country cottage, easygoing and pleasant. Very relaxing.  I'll share pictures soon so you can see what a little paint, some woodwork, and a project minded man can accomplish. I think you'll be amazed!

I have not yet begun my new knitting project that I posted about the other day, but plan to start tonight! I'll keep you posted on how it goes. I ordered some new yarn from Craftsy the other day that I can hardly wait to get in the mail!  As soon as I receive it, I'll post pictures so you can help me decide what to make of them. I ordered Universal Sea Song Sunlight (Sunlight) and
Manos del Uruguay Classica Yarn (Wildflowers).

May your day be pleasant and your hearts be happy!   

A Little of This and That

The other day I bought and received some beautiful yarn. It's silk and wool, handspun and dyed a lovely dark rose color. They call it raspberry, but it's not quite that. I'm thrilled and in love with the yarn. It's like holding ultimate comforting beauty in your hands.

I was in a quandary as to what to knit this much beauty into with my simple skills. Then I found this perfect pattern for a checkerboard lace scarf that should be possible for me to knit. Let's hope so! I don't want to ruin the yarn or waste it!

I've had a flare of my fibromyalgia this week that has laid me flat. I've had absolutely no energy for knitting. I have had energy for daydreaming, however, about this wondrous knitting project. Daydreaming about enjoyable goals is good. Revives the spirits and gives me something to strive for! I'll keep you posted as I knit along on my daydream.