Let God Be

Don't you know that God knows your struggle
  and weeps at the pain he reads in your soul?

Don't you know that God, your Father,
  feels the lump in your throat, the racing of your
  heart and the weakness in your limbs
  as you face yourself and the demons
  of life in this world?

Don't you know that He loves you more
  than we could ever love anyone?

God made you,
God knows you from the inside out.
God loves you!!

He knows every single moment of your life
  and every little wrinkle on your face.
God hears the struggle in your soul,
  the panic of your breath,
  the song in your heart,
  the good words on your tongue,
  and the lies in the back of your mind that you
  think no one knows except you.

God wants to hold you close
  and dry your tears.
He wants to hear your breath
  be soft and peaceful like a little child's.
He cherishes the good words on your tongue
  like honey from the honeycomb.
He wants to wipe out the bitter lies
  in the back of your mind--
  both yours and Satan's.

God has been, is, and always will be
  your very best friend, your Father
  and the keeper of your soul.

All you have to do is let His spirit
  heal your heart, comfort your mind
  and bring peace to your soul.

All you have to do is be still and
  let God be...God.

D. Elaine Wood-Lane
4/29/99

One of those days...

Ever have one of those days when you wake up feeling grumpy and as the day progresses, you find yourself getting grumpier and meaner by the minute? Nothing goes right. I had one of those days today. I spilled my first cup of coffee on my hand, accidentally kicked my dear puppy, got shampoo in both eyes in the shower, and could find nothing decent to wear. That's just in the first couple of hours too! So, I prayed hastily to God, read my bible readings for the day, and dashed out the door.

When I arrived at work, things did not improve. Everyone seemed tense, frustrated, and everything is in a jumble because we're remodeling, trying to put together cubicles (of which all the parts did not arrive). Usually I try to be a calming, positive influence, but today, inside myself, I was not calm and didn't even care, not one little bit! The words humble and humility kept popping up in my head, but my heart wasn't listening. I was almost relishing the mean spirit rattling around inside, which is not me. There is nothing I despise more than a mean spirit, especially if it is inside myself.

I arrived at home this afternoon and sat on the back porch a while. At first I was holding on to my bad mood with all my might. I was not going to get happy, thank you very much! I was going to enjoy my bad mood and to heck with it! Of course, God had other plans. (He always does.)

The birds were singing. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Buddy kept licking my hand in consolation. Even Missy the cat was hanging around, eyeing me suspiciously. She's usually the creature in a perpetual state of moodiness so I think she didn't want to relinquish her reign over to me. I felt my spirit relax, despite myself. As my breathing deepened, I found myself closing my eyes and praying, my spirit humbled. Thoughts came of friends and family going through tough times. I began to pray for them, sincerely, with a whole heart, knowing God was listening. My spirit calmed down more. I started thanking God for all my blessings and seeing my whole messy day through His eyes. It was funny! I mean, seriously, a 50 year old woman carrying on like a toddler who badly needed a nap?  I did practically everything but get on the floor and throw a tantrum today. How could that not be funny? I started chuckling to myself. Then I started laughing outright! Good grief! Who cares about coffee and shampoo and what I wear to work? Who even cares if all the parts to our new cubicles didn't arrive or if a few customers were grumpy?  These things, too, shall pass. They always do. Compared to some things I've lived through, and others I know are living through now, the day I was having is a walk in the park. I live a wonderful life. I am truly a blessed woman. I thank God for reminding me of that...and even for laughing at me. 

James 4:10
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Knit. Pray. Love.

It has been quite the summer this year for all of us. There have been droughts, fires, flooding, hailstorms, tornados and hurricanes. That's just the natural phenomenons and doesn't even touch the many other things going on in our world. There also have been shootings, terrorism, a poor economy and enough political posturing to make me gag. (I'm not big on politics. Just give me your true qualifications for the job, your platform, and let me vote in privacy and peace.) Then there have been the good things like vacations, holidays, visits to and from my kids. I've gone to the zoo, kissed an orangatun, driven through beautiful Guanella Pass here in Colorado, and watched my husband transform our house into something beautiful and light with his hard work and clever ideas.

Throughout the summer I've dealt with more physical pain and frustration. Fibromyalgia is a trying affliction that weakens my body, my mind and even, at times, my spirit. I can't do all the things I used to do easily. Vacuuming the house and other household chores requires a full day of recovery. (Hence my schedule of usually doing those things on Saturday morning.) I do work I truly enjoy at Bold Technologies for 6 hours a day and then come home, collapse in my chair, and often proceed to fall asleep. For a woman who was accustomed to being the go-to girl who could be continually on the go for 14 hours a day, well, my current physical limitations are frustrating and depressing. I liked being the woman who could jump in and help others any time, any where, any way. I liked being busy, feeling strong, and feeling useful.

At the beginning of spring I began praying and asking God outright what He would have me do to serve Him now. I felt like I was failing at doing anything for Him and that I truly didn't have anything left to offer Him. I kept thinking of all the things I couldn't do any longer. I always had visions in my head of going to the mission field or working at a homeless shelter or becoming a hospital chaplin. I had dreamed big and now felt I was just a useless, dried up old lady who couldn't do anything much for God. I had quite the pity party going on, I can tell you. It wasn't pretty! Not pretty at all! (Pity parties never are.)

One morning during my prayers I received a simple three word answer from God: "Knit, pray, love." Humph! "Well! Isn't that just peachy?" It sounded too close to the book and movie title, "Eat Pray Love" for me to really accept it as a directive from God. Obviously those words weren't from God, but were from my own muddled mind. Besides all that, these were things I already did. I mean, have you seen my yarn stash lately? This is only about a fourth of the yarn I have hidden all over the house.

 

 I've always prayed and I've always tried to love others actively. God persisted and insisted, however. Every day I receive the same instructions, "Knit, pray, love." When God wants to get a point across, there is no hiding from Him! I finally decided to do what He said to do. I decided to follow my instincts and just knit whatever struck my fancy to knit. I decided to open myself up to praying more for others and situations as they arose. I decided to concentrate on loving others, encouraging them, hugging them and praying for them. I decided to quit focusing on myself and to focus instead on others. I had no idea where all this would go, but if God said, "Knit, pray, love," I was going to try to do His will.

 

I started knitting more and even bought more yarn. Good grief what was I thinking?! Like I needed more yarn? I already had plenty of yarn. Every morning I continued to read my bible and started going outside in my back yard for focused prayer. I made a concentrated effort to be more loving. If I found myself getting aggravated with people, I would make myself stop and think of the situation from their side and then love them from my heart instead of being so selfish and self-centered. I noticed that on the days I started the day with knitting and prayer, I didn't notice my pain as much. Also, if I'm hugging and loving someone else, I forget my pain and feel infused with a loving warmth from the inside out.

 

An interesting thing started happening. As I took up my three word directive from God, I found more things to knit, but didn't know where they were going to end up. Opportunities to pray for people and situations started coming at me so fast, I had to start taking notes so I could pray with more focus and not forget anyone. I also started noticing that there are a lot of people who need a moment of love and encouragement. I've ended up hugging more people this summer than you'd ever believe. I've hugged the stuffing out of coworkers, Alan, my kids, and friends. Several times it has been complete strangers when I'm out and about. I remember especiallly an elderly lady at Walmart who couldn't reach the sodas on the shelf and who was almost beside herself with grief over something. I'm short too, but was able to get her the sodas she needed. Then I found myself spontaneously hugging her and she started talking and crying. We stood there for 10 minutes probably, hugging and talking.

 

All the time I was knitting, praying, and loving, I kept thinking, "Where is my knitting to go? Where do You want me to serve in this?" I continued to picture giving hats and scarves to the homeless, but had no idea where to find the avenue for this. The other day, God gave me the answer. I get an e-newsletter every day from Lion Brand Yarns. Recenly the newsletter focus was on charities. You typed in your zip code and the site listed charities nearby (within 15 miles) looking for donated knitted or crocheted items. I typed in 80909. I had done this before, last year, and nothing came up. This time, a list popped up with about 10 places! As I scanned the list, I saw that the Salvation Army not only requested knitted/crocheted scarves, hats, shawls, and small lap afghans, but was pleading for them. And guess where the Salvation Army is? About a mile south of us on the same street we live! One mile away on Yuma Street. Hallelujah!  Makes me smile all over to think about it. One mile away...

 

Guess what I'll be doing in the weeks and months ahead?  I'll being knitting, praying and loving. When God asks you to do something and you think it is a small thing and not what we had in mind...do it anyway. God has a plan. We won't know all the details. All we can do is step out in faith and do as He asks. He knows all the details and that is all that matters.  He's a pretty sharp guy.  :-)